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Thursday, June 11, 2020

Go Away Stress.....


I am not sure if I have been feeling this way since Covid hit or it started after I had the twins. Is anyone else feeling like a complete failure these days and a little lost. I feel like my entire world has been flipped upside down. Maybe that is just motherhood in general but I am stressed and I mean way more than normal. I just need to get out a few things I have been stressed out about to work through it.

1.       At Home Schooling – don’t get me wrong. I love my children very very much but if I never have to teach them anything school related again I would be the happiest person in the world. Let’s just say that taking care of twins and teaching my 3 older children school from home has been way more than just your regular day challenge. I feel like every day I am bartering with my kids to get their measly one hour of school work done and they want their reward to be unlimited screen time which I am not going to lie sometimes happens because I feel so defeated. All I can say is thank you teachers for all you do because I couldn’t do it. I have cried, yelled, had to reteach myself grade 2 and 4 math….. anyone else lol! Only 2 weeks and 2 days left… Not that I am counting.

2.       Quarantine – I cheated a little bit on this one as soon as it was announced I pretty much ran home to Magrath to my parents for two months. It was glorious and I loved spending so much uninterrupted time with my parents they are seriously the best. We got so much done and enjoyed our time together. I only came home because I couldn’t handle being away from my husband any longer. I kind of really like the guy he is my person. I really just need him to be happy. He gets me and truly accepts me for all my imperfections and vice versa. Anyways I could go on forever about how much I love my husband but I am trying to stay on topic lol!!  I came home and quite quickly realized how hard my new routine was. We maybe do school every other day now but for longer periods of time. Twins is no joke on your own and now that they are crawling and putting everything in their mouths it has made for a very interesting time!! The restrictions are starting to lift but I am still so skeptical of Covid…. Who can I see?? Are parks safe?? Do kids even really know how to social distance?? Mine don’t…..

3.       Selling the House – I have so many emotions about selling our home. This is the house we brought all five of our kids home too. I know we have outgrown it and have seriously run out of space but I am sad about it. I am scared it won’t sell or we won’t get what we want and a lot of tears, hard work and sweat have gone into this home. I am so stressed we won’t find the right house and have been praying for months on where we should move too… Honestly radio silence which makes me doubt every decision I am making right now…… pray for me everyone because if my stess level gets any higher I may start losing my hair or have no nails left…. I have always dreamed of living on a small acreage but everything in close proximity to the city limits will cost me a small fortune which I don’t have or comes up and sells so quickly you don’t even have time to make an offer…. Trying to not be bitter and let go of that situation but it may take me a little more time lol!! Everything will work out right??? We will find the right home and I will be able to take care of my very active children. Did I mention there are five of them??? Five bedroom homes mean lots of money or a fixer upper??  Do I have it in me right now to fix up another house???

4.       Money – why can’t we all have unlimited amounts of money?? Or why can’t I invent the next big thing?? Maybe if I just bought one lottery ticket I would win??? I am not even sure why these things run through my brain but it does. Having 5 kids’ costs quite a bit of money. Nick has a great job and thankfully has remained working through all the covid craziness. I am going back to work in July and will mostly just be working weekends as childcare would literally cost me all my paycheck. I am actually really excited to go back to work. I am looking forward to adult interaction but pray for Nick lol!! He will have all 5 on his own at least 2 weekends every month.  We are not poor by any means but I feel like having children in general makes you feel poor lol!! It would just be so nice to not have to worry about it….

5.       Parenting – I feel like I am failing in this department. I am sure every single parent feels this way or has at some point in their life but I feel it every single day.  
My Oldest has anger issues and struggles whenever he isn’t the best at everything right away. The temper on that kid is unreal but we are working on it. I want him to know that you have to work hard to be good at something and that it’s okay to not be good at some things.  If you have any calming techniques you find work, please shoot them my way.  
My second son has ADHD and is hard to parent most days. School is a joke and he hates doing it but when he focuses the kid is a freaking genius so that is really frustrating. He usually takes meds to help when he is at school but at home I like to let him take breaks from it so he can learn to cope with it on his own and eventually not have to rely on medication but we take it day by day. He has come so far and I do not let him blame his actions on his ADHD which he hates but I don’t see ADHD as an excuse to act poorly. It is definitely a lot harder for them but they are more than capable of learning coping mechanisms. One thing about this sweet boy is how caring he is. He gives the best hugs and is constantly complimenting me. I am so proud of him and all the progress he has made.
My one and only daughter is miss sassy pants. She honestly thinks she is in charge all of the time so that is fun…..  Lots of time outs and discussions on being kind to her brothers. She still asks me for a sister every single day and sometimes cries about it. (Sorry it isn’t going to happen…) Maybe one day I will buy her a female dog lol!!
The twins they are so freaking adorable and into everything but they literally soak up most of my time. They need me more for survival than the other kids right now. Sometimes I wish I could clone myself and give them all more individual attention but I also know that will come as the twins get older. I wouldn’t trade being a mom for anything but man no one tells you how incredibly hard it is.

6.       Mom Guilt – Does anyone else feel incredibly selfish if they take time for themselves?  Before I had the twins I was in the best shape of my life. I had a diabetes scare and things have gotten a little out of hand again so I need to hop back on the healthy train. I LOVE to exercise but it is the food I have a hard time with. Stress eating is such a struggle for me and let me tell you being home alone all day with 5 kids with no breaks is very stressful. I always have great intentions to eat good when I wake up every morning lol. I know it is all mental so I have made a commitment to myself to get healthy again to keep diabetes far away from me.  I have an awesome partner who supports me and will watch all the kiddos so I can get in so I will try not to feel guilty for taking time for myself.

It feels good to write all my feelings out. Maybe I will be able to sleep at night now…. The insomnia from stress is so real, not to mention getting woke up multiple times by adorable babies. I know that God will answer my prayers and I have felt his constant presence in my life even through all of this. The waiting game is hard but I know we will end up where we need to be and that the other things will work themselves out with hard work. Mom Life is never dull but I will say it a million times I would not trade it for anything!!! I am constantly reminding myself that I have a healthy and beautiful family and lots to be thankful for!! 

Sunday, October 1, 2017

My Weight Loss Journey!

It was exactly this time ago last year that I was having some health problems. I had gone to the doctor a bunch of times to figure out what the heck was going on and that is when he told me I was pre-diabetic. I was only weeks maybe months away from being sent to the diabetic clinic and most likely starting insulin. I asked him if there was anything I could do and that is when my health Journey began.

I made a drastic change in my diet and started working out regularly. At first it was really hard to get used to my new routines and eating habits but I slowly started to change.

On my first weigh in day I weighed 182lbs ( GASP.... I know). I had no clue how out of control my weight was. I promised myself that by my 30th birthday I would loose at least 30 pounds.

Over the last year I have really learnt a lot and have worked incredibly hard to get where I am today. The first lesson I had to learn was that it was okay to take time for myself. I always felt like I was being a bad mom or wife for taking time away from my family to work out. But I know it has helped me become a better wife and mother. I have more energy to do things and we are always on the go!!

I started going to the gym 3 nights a week and had the amazing support of a workout group my sister Ash had created on facebook. It really motivated me to check in regularly and that is when my competitive side kicked in. Anyone that knows me knows I am extremely competitive lol!! This group has helped me a lot!! It is so much easier to loose the weight with a support system!


For the last year I have done multiple workout programs. Anywhere from Jillian Michaels, T25, PiYo and my favorite program of all that I did was Body Boss!! I have also done multiple races this year! I love to run!! My favorite race was a mudhero that I did with Ash!!



My food is still not 100% but I am human!!! I am going to have a chocolate bar and chips every once in awhile and I am most definitely having a delicious piece of birthday cake!!  But I have made a HUGE change in my diet and eat way better than I ever have. I feel so much better!!

I really struggle with my water intake but I do my best!! Every health book I have read has told me to give up the diet coke but anyone that knows me knows this will never happen!! I figure if that is the worst thing I do than I am okay!!

Everyone has their struggles but I have gotten into a great routine and actually crave my workouts instead of dread them!!

My 30th birthday is on Wednesday and I promised myself I would post my results and hold myself accountable which is way way way out of my comfort zone but I am doing it!! I weighed in this morning and I weigh 142lbs. I have lost 40lbs in a year!!

 I have set a couple more fitness goals and look forward to what the next year brings!! I am starting a cool new program called Fit Girl tomorrow and am going to rock the next 12 weeks!! Time to start working on that muscle definition!!

The last year has been one of the hardest years I have faced yet and I really used that to fuel my weight loss!! Hard work pays off and I am so glad I didn't quit every time I wanted to!!


Friday, February 19, 2016

February Madness

I feel like if I write once a month I am doing really well. So let's recap the last little while. Life is busy and most days I feel like I am doing a horrible job raising my children but I have come to the realization that most mothers feel the same way. Life as a mother seems to be quite repetitive and some times I feel like I might snap if I don't get a break but I wouldn't trade it for anything in the world. 

Dexter is loving Kindergarten. He is learning so much and does really well in school! He just turned 6.... Ya I am freaking out just a little bit that my first born has somehow sprouted into a rather tall child! I can't believe he is 6, time just seems to be flying by. Anyways I did his birthday questionnaire with him this year and these where his answers.

1. What is your favorite color? Red

2. What is your favorite toy? Guns

3. What is your favorite fruit? Apples

4. What is your favorite tv show? Larva

5. What is your favorite movie? Big Hero 6

6. What is your favorite thing to wear? Sweatpants

7. What is your favorite animal? Elephant

8. What is your favorite song? Turn Down for What

9. What is your favorite book? Curious George

10. Who is your best friend? Thomas Northcott

11. What is your favorite snack? Cheese Crackers

12. What is your favorite drink? Fresca and Water

13. What is your favorite breakfast? Fruit Loops

14. What is your favorite lunch? Grilled Cheese and Noodles

15. What is your favorite dinner? Fried Chicken

16. What is your favorite game? Anything on the XBOX

17. What is your favorite thing to play outside? Trampoline

18. What is your favorite holiday? Christmas

19. What do you sleep with at night? Iron Man Stuffie and My Blankie

20. What do you want to be when you grow up? Fire Fighter, Police Man  and an Astronaut



Knox.... What do I say about Knox lol!! Knox keeps us on our toes at all times. He is the type of child that if  you tell him not to do something as soon as you turn your back or look away even for a second he is doing whatever you told him not too. He is constantly making messes, when I ask him why he does it he always responds, "Because I like making messes Mom... OKAY". Somehow he thinks because it's fun and he enjoys it that it should be okay and not time outs are required lol!! Oh that child... but I wouldn't trade it for the world. He is so funny!! He is constantly being silly and cracking jokes and I just love his little voice. I could just sit and listen to him talk all day. 



Lexie Bean. Lexie is crawling.... (tear) I can't believe my baby girl is growing up so incredibly fast. She is such a good baby I can't believe we got so lucky, even though I feel like we deserved an angel child after our first two lol!! She brings so much joy into all our lives and we love her to bits. The poor little thing had her first ER visit... Dex was playing around with her and dislocated her arm. Thank goodness it was a quick fix and she was back to her happy self in no time. 



Nick and I are doing great. Sometimes I don't know what I did to deserve such a great guy! I definitely lucked out in the hubby and father department. He is such an amazing dad and I just love watching him with our kids. We actually got to go out on a early Valentine's date this year. It was so nice to hang out on our own even though we mostly talked about our kids lol!! I am so glad we have each other to lean on. One of the biggest things I love about Nick is how much he supports me with whatever I want to do. He truly is my rock and I would be lost without him!! I love you babe!



My parents came up for Dexter and Hallie's birthday's and it was so nice to see them. I miss them so much everyday. I have amazing parents! I have always felt so much love from them both and I am so grateful for everything they have taught me. I just love my family so much! My sisters are my very best friends who knew that one day we would like each other so much lol!!  I love having my sister Hallie live up here, not just for the free babysitting but we have really gotten to know each other over this past year and I don't know what I am going to do when she leaves me this summer. She makes being away from home easier! People keep telling us we are starting to sound too much alike because we spend so much time together lol!! Happy Birthday Hal Welcome to your 20's, I love you!!